


The Action Never Stops

by Leidolette



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Amusement Park, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Gen, Summer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2057964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leidolette/pseuds/Leidolette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone works at a poorly run amusement park over the summer and are completely mature and responsible adults about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All Summer -- Equius

**Author's Note:**

> I've become obsessed with the idea of an amusement park AU, where Homestuck characters work at a shitty, poorly supervised theme park in the vein of Action Park or Adventureland. They are the perfect terrible employees. 
> 
> Content warnings at the end of each chapter after this one.
> 
> CW for chapter one: vomit

Equius watched as another human kid, this one maybe ten years old, hit the mat with surprisingly strong _thud_.

"Bend your knees next time," said Equius to the kid as he lay there on his back and tried to gasp air back into his shocked lungs, "Then use your explosive **strength** and aggression against your opponent.”

The kid just wheezed at him with a dazed expression.

Equius grit his teeth and hustled the kid out the exit gate so the next pair of sun-addled middle schoolers could come in and pretend to fight to the death with oversized Q-Tips. Manning the Alternian Cannon Fodder Training Station was not exactly the non-stop show of strength that he had hoped for. Troll spawn barely out of their first molt and human children who thought wedgies were the epitome of humor were the only comers. None of them ever listened to his advice, despite his obvious physical prowess. He flexed his pecs in frustration.

Maybe he should have applied for the muscle beast stall cleaner position instead. At least then he would know that it was all in the service of a truly worthy animal.

He could not even appreciate that he finally had an excuse for the copious sweat stains that ran down the back of his shirt, as the summer sun baked everything in the park mercilessly. Waves of heat rose from the asphalt and hot metal, and he could already hear trolls whining to their lusii about frozen larval cream.

Equius took in the place he was going to spend the next three months, as a girl in jelly sandals relentlessly hit her twin sister with her pugil stick. His job was basically to let these kids beat each other for five minute intervals and make sure they didn’t go home with any obvious broken bones — minor concussions were apparently okay. There was a lot of downtime, and mostly he just found himself people watching. Nepeta called it creepily staring from the shadows, but he was just bored and watching the crowd.

A human girl of about twelve (But who can tell human ages, really? You can’t even check their horns.) stumbled off a neon green ride across the thoroughfare that promised to “spin you faster than an Alternian moon!” and weaved back and forth as she slowly made her way to the bench just outside of the gladiator ring. No bored parents or lusii were sitting there at the moment, so she was in luck. She sat down heavily on the bench. Great, _another_ unsupervised child hanging around.

Her head turned and her eyes focused on him slowly, as if she hadn’t noticed Equius was there. He ignored her.

"Hey, uh, guy? Where’s the bathroom?" Her voice sounded strained.

He sniffed. These rude wigglers. “I am more properly addressed as ‘sir’ or ‘highblood’ to you. Notwithstanding your crassness, I will direct you to the bathrooms, which are just past the fermented-grub-on-a-stuck stand and right next to the overflowing dumpster.”

The girl swallowed thickly. His duty done, he unclipped his metal water bottle from his belt and took a long and enthusiastic drink of the lukewarm milk that he thoughtfully brought along this morning. He felt a drop roll down the side of his mouth and along his neck. Nothing like milk on a hot summer’s day. He lowered the bottle and was turning back towards the ring to usher in the next pair of bloodthirsty incompetents when the human girl made a strange gurgle in the back of her throat. Equius had just enough time to fondly think that the noise sounded a little like Aradia when she was part-frog, when the girl heaved the contents of her stomach all over his shorts. Warm vomit ran down his legs and seeped into his socks. The girl must have eaten a truly impressive amount of chili dogs.

Equius’ jaw cracked his back molar into about a hundred pieces.

Three more months.


	2. Pioneer -- Vriska

It was a monument to man's arrogance that rose through the thin blanket of morning mist. A monument dubbed Round Shot Loop.

And Vriska Sekret would be the one to conquer it. 

"You're the worst kind of moron for doing this, Vriska. Goddamn, I thought even you had more common sense than the truly microscopic amount you're displaying here," Karkat shouted to her from the bottom of the water slide.

"You know that dummy that they sent down the slide last week came out in pieces, right? Both horns knocked off and everything," Jane said, looking thoroughly unimpressed at the feat that Vriska was about to pull off. Vriska ignored her and continued climbing (despite feeling a cringey, sympathetic pain at the base of both her horns).

"You don't need to worry, Vriska!" Feferi smiled up at her, looking sweet in the morning sunlight. Vriska was a little taken aback. She and Feferi never really talked much, but...

"Hey, thanks, Feferi!" she said, giving Feferi the beginnings of a real smile.

"Yeah, don't worry, I've got my rescue tube right here, so when your horribly mangled body comes out the other end I'll be there to save you faster than a sailfish!" 

Vriska's mouth almost fell open. What a gutsy piece of shit! She would have never suspected that from Feferi, it was a pleasant surprise. Vriska just flipped her the bird and smiled harder. She turned her back on them and took the stairs two at a time.

And then she was at the top. It wasn't a super tall ride - there were several slides in the park that towered over it - but now that she was standing on the small take-off area directly in front of the entrance, everything seemed quiet. There was only the constant rush of the water over her feet and into the dimness of the tube. She felt one burst of sharp fear ( _she could really get hurt_ ) before forcefully grabbing the handholds and pushing herself down the slope in one quick motion.

She instantly plunged into darkness. The roar of rushing water increased tenfold. The slide needed to plunge almost straight down for the rider to gain enough momentum to complete the loop, and Vriska's stomach jumped up into her throat as she dropped. Each seam in the fiberglass bruised her tailbone as she went down at a record pace. 

She reached the loop in no time at all, smashing her knee against her face as her spine curved with the track. Her speed slowed drastically as she reached the top of the loop, and for a terrible moment she thought she wouldn't make it. She would just slide back down and be helplessly caught between the steep slide and the beginning of the loop with the water rushing past her in the dark. 

But then she was fully upside-down, and there was no time to think about anything except the present. She let out a scream that she hoped sounded more like a shout of exhilaration than a screech of terror.

Despite the brutality of the ride, it really was relatively short - just that one loop and then she was dunked unceremoniously into the freezing natural pool at the mouth of the slide. All in all, it was over in under five seconds.

Vriska floundered momentarily as she twisted under the water, not knowing which way was up. Her mechanical arm felt like a stone pulling her away from the surface and light and air. Then, her foot brushed the sandy bottom. She jumped up from the water, her arms raised triumphantly, blood streaming from her nose. 

"Yes! I fucking did it! Holy shit, and you all just sat there and watched! It's fine though, look, I've shown you how fun it is." Vriska couldn't wait to go again, riding high on a wave of adrenaline and triumph. No one on the wooden walkway seemed to feel the same, but who fucking cared? She could see Terezi's lips pulling back from her teeth, and not in a smile. 

John, though, clapped weakly. "Uh, are you sure you're okay?"

She wiped the cerulean blood away from her upper lip, just now truly registering it's presence. Oh, she thought, and absently splashed a handful of water onto her face before turning back to the employees lining the railing.

"That ride is great! All you cowards should try it!" She spotted Doc Scratch towards the edge of the crowd as she scrambled out of the water. "So when's it gonna open to the public? Today or tomorrow?" She absently swiped the back of her hand across her streaming nose again.

Scratch looked about as hesitant as someone with no face was able to look. "Ah, perhaps not quite that early. Maybe after a few... adjustments are made."

Vriska frowned. It just felt... anti-climactic. She'd done what everyone else was too cluckbeast to do and it didn't change anything?

"However, we did have an agreement," Doc Scratch continued, and with that he withdrew his wallet from his pressed slacks and deposited a crisp $100 bill into Vriska's waiting hands.

"And now," he said turning to address the loose circle of onlookers, "I think it is time for all of you to return to your stations before the gates open, if you please." And with that he strolled off to do whatever it was he did all day in his air-conditioned office. Bored now, the crowd dispersed and readied themselves for another long, hot day.

Vriska stood there for a moment longer. She held the $100 bill tightly in her fist and it felt fucking great. It felt like hard-won treasure. It was a heavy burden, but sometimes there were rewards in knowing what had to be done and obviously being the only one brave enough to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: blood


	3. A Cosmic Joke -- Tavros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a Lovecraft crossover here.

It wasn’t the worst, working at the petting zoo. Tavros could be mopping the bathrooms, or picking up trash in the boiling hot blacktop parking lot. Hell, just last week he’d watched Karkat clean up the barf of a whole drunken bachelor party exiting the Witches’ Wheel — so he knew he was more on the lucky side than not.

It could even be pretty nice sometimes. The animals liked him. They would trot up when he arrived first thing in the morning and nuzzle their noses against his hands and pockets looking for treats. Sometimes he’d have something for them and then he’d rub their furry necks.

Also, Vriska was stationed on the completely opposite end of the park. That was nice too.

But it wasn’t exactly the walk in the park that everyone else assumed it was, either. Some of the fluffy fauna that the management decided to introduce weren’t exactly as kid-friendly as the cutesy sign above the petting zoo entrance would have you believe. There wasn’t a particular wealth of cuddly Alternian animals, but Tavros’ mysterious bosses kept inquiring them all the same claiming that they’d got “a great deal”. The worst part was, even the docile earth animals sometimes got riled up when when encountering the strange scent of a Alternian bleatbeast and then Tavros just had an unpredictable mess to deal with coming from all sides.

And the children themselves? Well, let us just say that a petting zoo is the perfect place to separate the good kids from the psychopaths. Kids pulling on goats’ tails, kids yelling in the startled faces of woolbeasts, trolls just out of their grub skins trying to ride the pigs. Tavros spent half his time trying to protect the kids from the animals and the other half trying to protect the animals from the kids.

And then there were problems like these, Tavros thought as he stared at the animal that had stood there placidly in the main paddock when he arrived that morning. At least… he thought it was an animal? Maybe it was a plant. Or, like a living rock?

Was it from Alternia? Earth? Neither seemed a likely candidate.

The thing was big, almost as tall as Tavros was on his sturdy mechanical legs. Vaguely cylindrical in shape, with starfish shaped tentacles protruding where its head should be and it balanced on thicker tentacles in the same star formation where its legs and feet should be. The only other feature on its blue-grey body was a set of fin-like wings. It had no visible mouth or teeth, which Tavros was immensely thankful for.

It just sort of sat there, waving its head-tentacles around. Its membranous wings flapped slowly, once.

Okay.

Tavros let it be for now, and considered his options as he went about his normal morning routine. The animals crowded around him as he poured feed into their troughs and staunchly ignored him as he shoveled their waste and did everything that needed to be done before the park opened for the day.

After putting away the buckets and shovels, Tavros turned his attention back to the beast sitting like a lump in the sparse grass. It hadn’t moved at all. He stretched out his mind to the thing. It was… curious. Unlike a human or troll’s mind, he could feel its presence. But animal minds were like points of light that he could slip into, while the creature in front of him seemed more like a black hole. He could feel none of its emotions, nor sense any way to control its actions. Standing with his fingers to his temples, he psychically prodded hard at the edges of the beast’s strange consciousness.

" **TEKELI-LI!** "

The thing’s high-pitched, piping screech hit him at the same time as impressions of cold and space and innumerable aeons flashed through his brain, one after another. He recoiled as if he had been burned, falling on his ass as he physically beat a hasty retreat. The creature certainly wasn’t a simple animal, but it also wasn’t a like any sapient creature Tavros had ever encountered. Its mind had felt… alien. Which was ridiculous considering that there were no less than a half-dozen humans strolling past the petting zoo at this very moment, but the sentiment was true. It had felt like a void that leaked out disjointed and otherworldly scenes in a frightening series.

Tavros shuddered, and left the thing alone in the main paddock to go make a call on the closed circuit park phone. Doc Scratch’s line was busy, like he should have expected. He hung up, waited thirty seconds, and called again. Still busy. Well, that was the end of that, as there was no one else in the park that had any sort of authority over something like this.

And it was nearly nine o’clock. With one more glance at the creature that now sat silent and still, he went to unlock the entrance gate to the barn and paddocks.

Minimum wage was not enough to deal with this.

——

The kids mostly ignored the thing, which hung out by the water trough for the majority of the morning. It didn’t have soft fur they could pet, it wasn’t cute, and it showed no interest at all in the food pellets they held out towards it in their sticky hands. It didn’t even make any noise, and nothing could be more boring.

Tavros was pretty relieved. He still hadn’t been able to get ahold of Doc Scratch, and when Aradia came by on her break she said that no one had seen him all day. So if he had to be stuck with this thing for who knows how long, then he was glad that it seemed like it had little interest in taking chunks out of people. You had to be thankful for the little things, he guessed.

So he was surprised when, hours later, a human child, no more than three, wandered over to the creature. Tavros surreptitiously looked to the side to see if there was a concerned parent or lusus waiting in the wings. There didn’t seem to be any.

"Hi," the boy to the faceless column of grey-green flesh. "Hiii!" This time he happily squealed it in the tone of an over-excited child that Tavros had come to know very well during his weeks of working here. Something about the boy’s exclamation made the creature’s tentacles wave in a quick circle. The kid, of course, was delighted by getting any sort of reaction and squealed again.

This time the thing answered back: “ **TEKELI-LI!** ”

That got the attention of most of the kids in the enclosure. They gathered around the boy and the, well, monster.

The boy did his best to imitate its call. “Tikelili!” he yelled.

" **TEKELI-LI!** " the thing yelled back.

"Tekil-lili!" screamed a young yellow-blooded troll with horns like check marks from the surrounding crowd.

" **TEKELI-LI!** "

And then back and forth it went at least a dozen times, with the kids finding it endlessly entertaining. Maybe the creature found it entertaining as well. Tavros could only hope that was the case, because he didn’t find it fun at all. He went to go call Doc Scratch again.

Still, at the end of the day when the crowds had left and he was locking up the gates, he watched an old sheep nuzzle up against the thick hide of the creature, which responded by gently undulating its tentacles.

Things really could be worse.


End file.
